


Denial

by Miss_read



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, Complete AU, F/M, High School AU, Like nothing to do with canon at all, Unrequited Love, best friends au, cursing, kind of, mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-19 13:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2390291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_read/pseuds/Miss_read
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this Lovely gifset: http://philyra-dreamhouse.tumblr.com/post/92061728074 . Honestly the best gif AU I've ever seen, check out the creator! Hopefully this will have some sort of Story arch. let me know what you think!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pull.

Darcy’s phone rings at 1am and she groans, rolling over in her bed to answer it.  
“What?” She snapped, rubbing her eyes.  
“I found a way in to the football field.” Bucky says immediately “There’s a gap in the fence.”  
“And you’re calling to tell me this because…” Darcy sighed  
“Don’t pretend that you don’t want to come. I’ll pick you up in 5.”

It had always been like that. Bucky was always pushing, pulling, forcing her out of her shell in some crazy adventure with him. It had been that way since they met at the start of high school.  
Now they were seniors, faced with the looming decision of what they wanted to do with their lives and having no earthly idea.  
Darcy had always been good at science and put her heart into it, leaving no room for many other subjects. Except art, that is. A small part of her always wanted to illustrate children's books, she only ever shared that part with Bucky. 

Bucky was a people person. There was always something about him that people were just drawn too, but nobody more so than Darcy. He wasn't particularly smart, but he could talk his way out of any situation. Darcy said once that he should be a lawyer, but he said he couldn’t because he’d never be able to fight for a case he didn’t agree with. 

 

Darcy somehow made it through the tiny gap in the tall fence that surrounded the football field and had barely straightened up before Bucky had taken her hand and dragged her to the middle of the field and began spinning her around in circles as they laughed together. 

They end up lying on the grass right in the middle of the field. Darcy has her head pillowed on Bucky’s outstretched arm and his fingers run idly through her hair as they stare up at the stars.

“I have work tomorrow.” Darcy mumbled and Bucky just shrugs. He never thinks about what’s next, he’d always just be thinking about what’s happening right now. But that’s okay, because Darcy does enough thinking for both of them. 

“Is there any way we can just stop?” He asked after a few moments of silence “Any way we can live without having to worry about grades and jobs and college?” 

“Nope.” Darcy replied simply “But hey, at least we’ve got this summer.”

***

School was done and they were free. Darcy wasn’t going to college, instead she had an internship with an astrophysicist set up once the summer was over.Their best friend Steve had gone to art school, as he’d always dreamed of. It hurt to lose him, but they were glad he was happy.  
Bucky still wasn’t sure what he was doing with his life, but that was okay. He had a job at the local garage and was making enough money to put clothes on his back

He spends a lot of nights in her bed, platonically of course. Bucky holds her close and pretends that he’s not cramped up in a single bed with his best friend, but in his home that he worked for with his wife. Either way, Darcy’s there. 

On a night that he’s meant to be at hers, Bucky’s out at some club. The music thumps hard in his ears and he’s pressed chest to chest with a girl he’s never said a word to. He has 6 missed calls from Darcy and 8 texts, all asking where the hell he is.  
The girl sits him down on a couch on the side of the dance floor and straddles his waist. She’s slim and blonde, not the type he usually goes for. He normally sets his sights on curvier girls, mostly brunettes because its easier to pretend that they’re Darcy, not that he’d ever admit that to himself.

The girl holds a small white pill to his lips and he opens his mouth so she can place it on his tongue. Then she’s kissing him and he’s kissing back as the world begins to blur around the edges and his blood starts to pump a little faster.

*  
He calls her at 1.30am to ask her to come pick him up. It’s not the first time he’s stayed out without telling her, left her worrying while he did whatever he wanted. 

“Are you okay?” She sighed, not having gotten any sleep.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just need you to pick my up I’m at-” He began reading the street sign, but she cut him off.  
“No, Bucky.” Darcy ran a hand through her hair.  
“What?”  
“I’m not coming to pick you up, not tonight..” She explained.  
“But Darcy, you’re the only person who can..” Bucky chewed his lip “Steve’s not-”

“I said no, Bucky.” Darcy cut him off again “I’ve been worried sick. I was going to call the police. Would it really have hurt to just call me and let me know that you’re okay?” Her voice began to shake a little “Y’know, I was going to ask you if you wanted to share an apartment with me because I thought you were finally starting to get your shit together. But you’re still just doing whatever you want and you still don’t care about how that affects the people that care about you.”

The line clicks off and Bucky groans, leaning his head back against the wall. He knows she’s right, but he doesn't have to be happy about it.

***

Bucky calls Steve on his lunch break a few days later.  
“So, hows Darce?” Steve asks once they’re done catching up.  
“I wouldn’t know. She’s not answering my calls.” Bucky shrugged, sounding less beat up about it than he really was.  
“What did you do?” He could hear the frown in Steve’s voice. Of course, he knows right of the bat that it’s Bucky’s fault.  
“Stayed out, got wastes, didn’t call.” Bucky sighed “She’ll forgive me soon enough, it’s okay.”  
“Ever wonder if one day shes not going to forgive you?” Steve teased, but there’s real concern behind it. 

Bucky knows he may just push Darcy too far one day. And then their friendship will fall to pieces, and so will he.  
“Ill figure something out.” He tells Steve before saying his goodbyes.

He hears from Jane that Darcy’s looking for apartments alone and knows he has to act fast.

***

“Darcy. C’mon.” He calls up at her window. It’s 11.30pm and her parents are gone for the weekend. Normally at times like this he’d be there 24/7, now she’s moved the key from under the brick that he usually uses and won't answer his calls.

“Fuck off, Bucky.” She shouts out her window.  
“I’m sorry, okay? Can you just let it go?” He yells back. 

Darcy throws the key down to him and he happily takes it to open the door, only to be faced with a furious Darcy was he enters.

“Let it go?” She fumes “I wait up all night worrying about you and you tell me to just let it go? Fuck you!”  
“I don’t even get why you’re so worried.” Bucky rolled his eyes “I can take care of myself.” 

“Can you? Because that’s not what I can tell by the times you’ve asked me to pick you up, high as a fucking kite and just fucked by some random chick.” Darcy scolded, her eyes narrowing.  
“Why do you care who I have sex with?” He raised his eyebrows. 

Darcy paused and shifted on her feet “I don’t.”  
He folded his arms over his chest “You do. And honestly, it’s none of your damn business.”  
She scoffed “It’s my business when I have to pick you up and let you stay at my place.”  
“Fine. I won’t ask anymore!”  
“Good!”

Bucky takes a few steps towards her, his voice dropping to a low and dangerous level “Let me tell you the rules, Darce. You don’t get to be jealous if we’re not dating. I’ve been trying for years to tell you how I feel about you, and you keep pushing me away.” He backs her up against a wall “I’m not denying it. I like you. Hell, it wouldn’t be far wrong to say that I’m in love with you. But if you’re never going to love me back, then I have every right to go out and do whatever I want. I don’t need you to look after me.”

Tears pool in Darcy’s eyes because it hurts, his words hurt and sting and twist a knife in her.  
“Get the fuck out of my house.” She muttered, staring at her feet.  
“My pleasure.” Bucky snarls before turning on his heel and leaving. 

It was going to be a long Summer.


	2. Nothings

It had been a week since they had last spoken and it was getting close to Darcy’s birthday. Bucky had something planned months ago; He was going to take her to a small cottage near the beach where they could spend the summer together. He had even gotten Steve to agree to come down for a few days. It was a small place, nothing special but it was all he could afford.

Bucky had been drinking a lot lately. Without Darcy around to occupy his time he filled the hours with parties and girls and guys and drugs. In just a week without her, he was at the lowest he’d ever been. 

Two days before Darcy’s birthday, Bucky woke up in her bed with a throbbing headache.   
“Darce?” He mumbled, his voice rough. After rolling over he found a glass of water and a little note written in Darcy’s swirly handwriting. 

_Gone out. Will be back with breakfast. Don’t leave. -D x_

He smiled a little and relaxed back into the bed, breathing in the scent of her flowery shampoo on her pillow. Bucky had no idea how he had gotten to her house. Most of her things were packed into boxes which told him she was moving to her own apartment. An apartment that she should be sharing with him. 

Darcy came back less than half an hour later with a bag of Mcdonalds breakfast and some coffee.   
“You better be awake, Bucky.” She said brightly as she entered her room.  
“Yeah, I’m up.” He mumbled, sitting up straight and looking up at her “If you don’t mind me asking, how did I get here?” 

Darcy sat down on the bed next to him with the breakfast on her lap, handing him a cup of coffee “I got a text from Sam saying that you had left a party in bad shape. Then he heard that you were lying on some street corner so we went to find you.” She explained.   
Bucky sighed “Where’d you find me?”   
“The park.” Darcy shrugged, sipping her coffee,

They’re quiet for a moment before Bucky speaks up.   
“I’m sorry...for everything.” He muttered   
“‘S all right.” Darcy shrugged and began to unpack the box of pancakes “I’m just glad you’re okay.”  
“And I’m sorry for what I said last time. I know you’re just worried about me.” Bucky wrapped an arm around her shoulders.   
“You are forgiven.” She hummed and nestled into him. 

***  
They went to the cottage that Bucky had booked for her birthday. The whole drive there, Darcy kept saying over and over that this was the best gift anybody had ever given her and thanking him endlessly. Bucky thought it was just to make him feel a little less guilty about what went down between them.

When they arrive, Darcy takes a good few minutes looking around before she insists they go to the beach. Bucky was a little reluctant at first, saying that he didn’t want to be surrounded by kids and stuff, but he agreed because it’s Darcy. 

At the beach, they spend most of the time reading. Well, Darcy reads, and Bucky watches Darcy.   
When he goes for a swim, all eyes on the beach are on his as he emerges from the sea, looking like something from a TV advert about overpriced perfume.   
Darcy watched him intently just like everyone else and feels a little swell of pride that he’s there with her, even though she can’t call him hers. 

That night they sit on the grass in the small strip of a garden and watched the stars. 

“I wish we could stay like this forever.” Bucky mumbled. Darcy doesn’t think anything of it, because he always says stuff like that. He never wants to grow up, just stay young and pretend that life is something that can be slowed down. All the while Darcy’s planning her life out carefully and sometimes planning out his life for him. 

“The world turns, Buck. We all have to move on.” She shrugs “Doesn’t mean we won’t be together.” 

Bucky sighed, but didn’t reply.

***

The rest of the days go just like this. They mostly spend their days at the beach or in a nearby town, and finish every night in the garden, watching the sky.

They share a bed almost every night. In the morning Bucky wakes before her and whispers sweet nothings against her sleep-warm skin.   
_“I love you so much.”  
“You’re so beautiful.”  
“I wish you were mine.” _

Sometimes Darcy hears him, but she can never bring herself to open her eyes.

***

Steve comes in their second week, filled to the brim with stories of art school and the urge to draw basically everything. 

Darcy doesn’t touch him as much when Steve is there, doesn’t curl into his arms when they sit on the couch or rest her head on his lap when they read on the beach. It’s for the best, Bucky knows that, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss her being so close. 

Steve asks to take a picture of them so he can put it on his wall at school. Bucky lifted Darcy into his arms with ease and grinned at the camera. Darcy laughed and Steve caught the moment where Bucky’s eyes flickered down to look at her with adoration. 

“You ever going to tell her?” Steve asked one night after Darcy had fallen asleep, leaning against his strong shoulder.   
“Tell her what?” Bucky mumbled, not taking his eyes of the TV that was playing that nights movie.   
“That you’re crazy about her.” The blonde replied.   
“Already tried, she threw it in my face.” He grumbled.   
“How drunk were you at the time?”  
Bucky paused, he had had a bit to drink that night..   
Steve nodded “She deserves better than that, Buck.” he sighed before picking up Darcy’s sleeping form and carrying her to bed.   
“I know.”


	3. Close enough (To lose)

“I’m tired.” Darcy whined, her fingernails tapping on her empty glass that once held an extravagant cocktail “Let’s go home.”   
Bucky scoffs because, as much as he wants it to be, the cottage isn’t their home.   
“C’mon, Doll. Once more drink. The nights young!” He urged. They were going back to the city in a few days, where Darcy would start her new job.   
“The night may be young, but as you keep reminding me, I am an old man trapped in a young womans body.” Darcy smiled. 

Bucky places a hand on her waist. He leans in for a kiss, and she very obviously turns her head away to stop.   
It was something he dreamed about often, finally plucking up the courage to pull her close and crash their lips together, she so he’d know how it felt and she’d know how he feels. 

He wasn’t an idiot. Bucky knew he had the pick of the litter when it came to women. He could have any woman he wanted, and he did. He barely went a week without sex. The three week stint in the cottage with Darcy had been the longest he had gone without getting laid because he wanted her to see what he could be for her. 

On the other hand, Bucky was an idiot. He went out, got drunk, did drugs and fucked anything he could get his hands on when he was in the city. And he was itching for that again, he just couldn’t tell if he was itching for Darcy more.

Darcy looked down at her shoes “You can stay. I’ll see you back at the cottage.” She mumbled. And with that, She was gone. 

+

Music thumped loud throughout the club as Bucky leant against the bar, eyes scanning across the crowd. He already had a pocket full of phone numbers that he would never call. 

“Hey.” A voice to his right catches his attention “Want some company.”   
Bucky see’s wavy brown hair falling down large breasts first and his mood brightens, but then he looks up into brown eyes. Bucky prefers blue eyes.   
“I’m good, thanks.” He smiles politely and watches as she pouted her brightly painted pink lips. 

“You sure, hun?” Her accent is from New Jersey, too heavy. And Bucky really doesn’t like that lip colour.   
“I’m sure.” He nods. The girl turns and walks away. 

From behind, she looks perfect and he thinks about calling her back but she’s already moved on to another guy. 

+

 

3 clubs later, Bucky’s ability to walk straight is fading and he’s found the perfect girl. Though, he hasn’t really looked at her face. 

She’s got a wide waist and pale skin and long, tumbling brown hair. That’s good enough for him. 

 

His back hits the bed in some motel and the girl climbs over him. Bucky doesn’t know her name and doesn’t pretend to know, he simply replies in grunts and groans. 

Bucky doesn’t even bother to take off his clothes, he just lies there with his jeans undone as she pulls her dress over her head and climbs over him. 

She rides him like it matters even though it doesn’t, which is good because the pleasure makes her bury her face in his neck so when Bucky opens his eyes all he can see is the dark hair and the peach-whiteness of her back. She’s moaning too loudly to hear him

“Darce..” He growled, gripping at her waist. 

_“What’s wrong, Buck. Too much for you?_

“Darcy…” 

_“That’s it, Baby. Always wanted this..”_

“Ah..Fuck..Darcy..” His back arches as the all too familiar feeling of his orgasm builds up. 

_“I love you, Bucky._

He comes, hard. The girl on top of him whimpers with her own climax before rolling off him and falling asleep. 

 

+

Bucky had left the motel, leaving a note and the money for the room.   
It wasn’t the first time he’d yelled out Darcy’s name during sex, or thought of how she would talk to him while they did it, or picked a girl that looked just like her. But each time it hurt just a little more. 

He got back to the cottage at 2am, standing in the doorway of the bedroom and watching as she slept. What was wrong with him? Why was she so opposed to be with him, yet so happy to spend all her time with him all at once? 

Bucky dialled Steve’s number and was greeted with a voicemail “Steve, it’s me.” He mumbled into his phone “I can’t fucking do this anymore. She doesn’t want me and I can’t keep holding out, waiting for her.” 

He almost laughed at his own words. Holding out? Waiting? What a joke. 

“I can’t do it anymore, Steve. I’m tired of her fucking with me. I’m tired.” 

Bucky looks up and see’s Darcy sitting up in bed, looking at him with...pity. 

“Just...don’t, okay?” He said as he hung up the phone. His voice was slurred and he knew it, but he didn’t care “I don’t need your fucking lecture, Darcy. You don’t get to be mad at me tonight.”

She doesn’t say anything, just nods and shifts in the bed to invite him to lay next to her. 

Bucky crawls in and wraps himself around her, burying his face in her neck and biting the inside of his cheeks to keep from crying.   
Darcy stroked his hair gently until he falls asleep, whispering to the top of his head that is still cold from being outside once he succumbs to exhaustion

“I’m sorry, Bucky.”   
“I wish I could give you what you want.”   
“I love you. I’m sorry.” 

Bucky doesn’t hear her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next Chapter will give Darcy's take on everything and reveal why she's been pushing him away.  
> Title inspired by a song called 'Closer' by The Tiny, Check it out it's one of my faves


	4. Push.

The next morning, Darcy began to pack.  
“Darce, c’mon. Don’t do this..” Bucky sighed as he watched her “I’m sorry, okay? I was drunk. I didn’t mean it..”  
“No, you’re right.” Darcy said flatly, shoving her clothes into her bag “This isn’t good for either of us.”  
“Why are you being like this?” 

“Why? You wanna know why?” Her voice was a few octaves higher than normal “Because I can’t be with you right now. I’ve known you since Freshman year, Bucky. And Everybody knows that High School relationships just don’t last. We’d break up then I’d lose you.” 

Bucky stared at her, she wasn’t wrong.  
“You’d never lose me, Darce.” He murmured, taking a step towards her. She stepped back. 

“And..I wanted to wait until you were ready for me.” She admitted “You’re a mess, Buck. You throw women away when you’re done with them. You’re an alcoholic. Not to mention the drugs. I’m not going to fix you off so you can move on to somebody better.” 

“I only do that to take my mind of you.” Bucky argued.  
“I don’t have to love you, Bucky!” Darcy snapped “I don’t have to love you as you are. I’m allowed to want you to be a better version of yourself.” 

“What if I’m not ready to be better?” He asked softly.  
“Then you’re not ready for a relationship.” She sighed, zipping up her bag “Because I deserve more that what you can give me right now.” 

“I’ll try.” His voice is shaking “I’ve been trying. I was doing so well. Please don’t go.”  
Darcy walked over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek “I’m sorry, Bucky. But you have to do this without me.” she said before turning and leaving. 

They didn’t speak for a long time after that.


	5. Getting there.

It was about 3 months before they spoke each other again. They had mostly been communicating through Steve, having him relay messages that they were both okay, and hoping that the other was doing well too. 

Bucky stopped drinking cold turkey, but he still needed some sort of rush. He found quickly that sex wasn’t as good when he was sober. He couldn’t trick himself and ended up acting like an asshole to the girls and guys he slept with.  
He took up running; every morning before work and evening after, Bucky would run for hours. He then discovered weights, and fitness in general. He had always been a muscled guy, but that was just from working at the warehouse. 

Steve helped him with it, having gone through a personal transformation himself many years before. There was a time when he was a little skinny kid who always needed Bucky to take care of him due to being chronically ill, until Doctor Erskine prescribed him new medicine and started him on a fitness regime. He sent Bucky all his old health magazines and provided him with the support he needed to kick his various addictions. 

“Steve! Hey!” Darcy grinned when he called her one day from art school.  
“Hey, Darce. Hows it going?” He asked, the smiled audible in his voice.  
“I’m good. This internship is amazing.” She nodded “Hows art school.”   
“Great. I miss you though.” Steve said with a small sigh. 

“You’re coming back to town this weekend, right?” Darcy asked.   
“Of course.” he confirmed, though he wasn’t really looking forward to dividing his time between Darcy and Bucky because the two refused to see each other.  
“So…” She began slowly “How is he?” 

Steve knew right away what she was talking about “He’s doing really well, Darce.”   
Darcy breathed a small sigh of relief “Good.”  
“He’s been working out a lot. He’s in really good shape.”   
“And the drinking?”   
“He doesn’t need it anymore. If he ever gets low he just pounds the punching bag.” 

The line fell silent, the gentle buzzing filling the void until Steve spoke up again.   
“You should talk to him, Darcy.”   
Her reply is too quick, even for her “I can’t, Steve.”   
“Why not?”  
“He doesn’t need be anymore. I know he used to need me but not anymore and that’s good.” She shrugged “I think I was the reason he got so bad in the first place. I don’t want to pull him back into that.” 

Steve shook his head “No. It wasn’t all you. He’s in love with you, Darcy.”  
“We were in High school, Steve. People change..” She countered.   
“But we aren’t in High school anymore. And he still loves you.” He almost pleaded “I’m not saying you have to date him. But please don’t shut him out.” 

Darcy was quiet again for a few moments “I’ll see what I can do.”  
“Okay. I’ll see you this weekend.”  
“See you then, Steve.” 

When the call beeped to an end, she stared at her phone for a moment. Hee screensaver was still a picture of the three of them at the beach. 

It was taken by a nice pregnant woman whose daughter was playing in the sand text to them. Darcy sat between the boys in a blue and white polka dot bikini, her hair blown over her eyes a little by the beach wind but she was still grinning happily as Steve and Bucky wrapped an arm around her arms smiled at the camera.

_“So..” The woman asked “Which of the two of you are paired up?”  
Darcy laughed and stood “None of us, Ma’am. I’m more like their caretaker.”  
She smiled and handed her the camera back “Well you may just be the luckiest woman on the earth.” The lady leaned in to whisper into Darcy ear “The last time a guy looked at me the way the brunette one looks at you, I married him. Just a word to the wise.”   
Darcy smiled sheepishly “Thanks.” _

_As she sat back down, Bucky rested his head on her lap “What did she say?”  
“Nothing.” Darcy sighed and ran her fingers through his hair. _

She opened a new message and began typing. It took a lot of erasing and sighing, but eventually Darcy sent the text. 

_I just want you to know that I’m really proud of you. -DL_

Bucky stared at the text for a long time. He felt different now. Back then, he only ever messed up and disappointed Darcy, but now she was proud of him and that made him feel better than any amount of exercise could. He didn’t reply, though. He wasn’t ready yet.

Bucky had been working towards making himself the best he can be for her. He’d been taking night classes in mechanics so he could open up his own garage, and even reading all those old book that Darcy seemed to like so they could have more to talk about. One day, he’d be gone enough for her, because she deserved somebody who could match her, while still take care of her the way she took care of him all these years. 

He wasn’t quite there yet, but he was getting there.


End file.
